Relatives Who Take Advantage of Elder Parents

by Jodi

what do i do about my sister's family who is taking advantage of my mom and she goes along with it because she likes the attention. Ex: she buys their grown kids/spouses birthday presents because they plan a party for them each and invite her. our kids have too much pride to do that and only have parties for special ages like 30, or for kids, which makes sense. they also ask her for anything they need like a snowblower, skillsaw, and all my grandmothers stuff which she gladly gives them. i asked for silverware that i borrow every year for thanksgiving which she's invited for and she she says i have a chip on my shoulder and wouldn't do it for no reason. i think she enjoys the competition she sees going on as i only have one sibling. i would also like to break the relationship with her but she is on dialysis and who knows how long she has. i am the first one she calls for an emergency driver as she has excuses for why my sister and her family can't drive. poor excuses as my sister and her husband don't work. her daughter can't drive because she has two kids. my husband and i both work and i go to school and yet she calls me first. they only drive if there is a meal involved that she pays for. if it is to the doctor they have an excuse. this happened with my grandmother previously while i took care of her at the nursing home for 3 years, they stayed at her lake home and stole all the valuables yet rarely visited = they live as close as we do - no excuse. i know i sound resentful and i am. what is the best way to deal with it - personally i would like to leave the state...we are talking about 50 year olds here and their grown children. any advice/?

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Mar 07, 2011
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by: Grandma

Hello Jodi,

I'm looking at what your telling me from you mother's point of view. We all reach a point in our lives when things just become things. I have no doubt she see's what your sister and her family are doing, and have been doing since your grandmother was still with you. I'm sure your grandmother saw the same difference in you and your sister. Your mother knows she has a daughter that grew up to be a responsible loving mother, daughter and granddaughter. She has another daughter that's very material and needs to know what's in it for her. That don't mean she loves your sister any less, but probably has to try harder to show her how much she loves her. With you she's more at ease knowing she can depend on you to be there for her and not worry about rewards every time you or your family go out of your way to help her.

Just keep doing what you're doing, she needs you now. There will come a day when you'll look back at this time with your mother and have no regrets. But there will come a day when your sister will realize how greedy she was being and she will have to live with a lot of guilt. Right now I'm sure your mother don't feel like taking her out to eat or going to the parties but she does it because she needs both of her daughters right now. Just be patient with your mother and pray for you sister. But whatever you do, don't turn your back on your mom right now, she needs you more than ever.

Grandma

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