GRIEVING OR NOT GRIEVING?
On April 30th - 2010 - bout 2 weeks ago I lost my Mother to Heart disease- What you have to understand is she had a long battle with Heart problems.
August 13th 1990 she had a massive heart attack and was only given 5 years to live if that. Well she defied the odds and lived 15 more. You see her will was great - she wanted to live for my father - he would have been lost without her - no one could handle him like my mother could, so she never gave up. She went through some pretty tuff times over the years - she had 3 defibulators in her chest, rienal dysfunction and a microheart valve leaking and bad heart only beating 23%, so you see she was a tuff gal.
To move on through the years - she had all this going on plus my father to contend with - who by the way was not in the best of health either. So while all this is taking place - he had to go into a nursing home - because of a stroke that put him in a wheel chair. Well you would have thought this would be her time to put things into perspective - not a chance! My daughter and I had to for the next 3 years take her to the home almost everyday - now mind you , I am married with a young son - but I worked around my own family to accomadate her - long story short - she brought him home - he died 12 years ago - she came to live with me.
Anyway I am not sure what is going on with me but my daughter is taking her death really hard - they had a close bond - me I am not grieving like I think I should - she lived with me for 9 years - she made it to 81 - a miracle! I took care of her in the process.
What is wrong with me? Am I cold feeling? sad but not sad? I have my moments but I sometimes feel anger - she would hide the fact she was sick from me and lie about it. I think I am unfeeling then I get all weeping and can't seem to stop - then I do stop and move on with daily activities - work, chores my family. My daughter on the other hand is not dealing well with this - she is clinging to me like no tomorrow - she is 36 - has a fiancee who she lives with- but is calling me 3 times a day - not that I am complaining - but this never happened when my mother was alive- she was more with her than me.
What is wrong with me am I a cold unfeeling person? How do I help my daughter get through this - I love her very much and I am concern for her - I want to help her and myself.